IN A JAM

Can a man who’s been a bully for years—who’s built his career and power on being a bully (and been championed for it by a lot of people who ought to know better)—push past his snide and cruel tendencies and become a better person?

What do you think?

Whether or not Chris Christie actually ordered the closure of 3 lanes to the George Washington Bridge last September–resulting in traffic hell, police hell, first responder hell, Fort Lee hell, and so on, as has been amply documented—is rather moot at this point. The meanness and the pettiness and the vitriol of his hand-picked and trusted subordinates, who were willing to put tens of thousands of people in danger for spite, points to a directive from the top that such-like behavior would not only be tolerated but embraced. I mean, Chris is the kind of governor who yelled at a teacher and plenty of innocent people who dared question his dictatorship behavior. Hardly Boss of the Year material and certainly not Presidential.

I find it impossible to believe that a man who made it well-known to all that he was in charge suddenly has so little control over his staff. These were the people closest to him. This was an incident that happened 4 months ago and that had a lot of reporters poking around it. Chris had to have known that it had the potential to explode in his face.

So either he is grossly incompetent as a manager or he is a liar.

Chris Christie is no stranger to hardball politics

How about both?

 

DOUBLE DOWN WHEN PIGS FLY

Speaking of bruising, there’s a new book by journalists Mark Halperin and John Heilemann out this week. Called Double Down, it’s a dishy look at the 2012 election. And two tasty snippets show what two of the candidates were really like.

In snippet #1, Moneybags Mitt mocked NJ governor Chris Christie’s considerable size, and referred to him by his code name, “Pufferfish”:

“Romney marveled at Christie’s girth, his difficulties in making his way down the narrow aisle of the campaign bus. Watching a video of Christie without his suit jacket on, Romney cackled to his aides, ‘Guys! Look at that!’”

In snippet #2, Michele Bachmann wailed at her declining fortunes:

“’God,’ she cried. ‘I’m a loser!’”

Truer words were never spoken.

I’ve always said that I’d agree with something out that woman’s mouth when pigs fly. Off they go!

CHRIS CROSS

 

When New Jersey governor Chris Christie became a Lurcher last year, he looked in the mirror and didn’t like what he saw: an obese, out-of-shape 50-year-old who was a great candidate for all sorts of health problems instead of reelection.

Not one to keep his yap shut about his size, he brazenly flourished a doughnut on the Letterman Show this past February. Then he rudely told the Surgeon General—who made a comment worrying about what could happen to his body due to his size—to “shut up.”

Even while knowing that he’d booked lap band surgery, which was successfully performed a scant 10 days later.

Well, no one ever accused Christie of being polite.

Or not a hypocrite.

Maybe he’ll be less cranky now that he’s lost a whopping 40 pounds.

Or maybe he’ll keep inserting his foot into his mouth every time he gets hungry.

THE CRABBIN’ CRYBABY

Yesterday I wrote about John Boehner’s foul mouth. Now let’s discuss his foul temper. Foul because he’s a selfish brat, and even more foul because thousands of people in desperate need of relief funding after Superstorm Sandy will have to keep waiting thanks to the Republican selfishness in meeting the most basic of demands to free up the funding. Boehner reneged on promises to hold a vote on the relief bill right after the fiscal cliff vote got taken.

Republican Congressman Pete King claimed, “‘He kept telling me, wait until the vote is over, wait until the fiscal cliff vote is over, everything will be taken care of. And then he was gone. He refused to meet with us. He actually yelled at Congressman LoBiondo [who represents part of the NJ coastline severely damaged in the storm], saying, “’I’m not meeting with you people.”’

Republican reps for the Tri-State area justifiably went ape. New Jersey governor Chris Christie said, “I called the Speaker four times last night after 11.20pm and he did not take my calls.”

That’s politics for you.

Some of the Republicans have since cooled down, but the damage was done.

Had Boehner done his job effectively, the fiscal cliff issue would have been settled weeks if not months ago. But he didn’t care.

All I can hope is that the more these Lurchers mess up, the more unlikely it will be that they ever get reelected. Neglected storm victims who still have ruined homes, no heat, and no power tend to have very long memories.

CHRISTIE SEES THE LIGHT

For all the hell that Sandy has wrought, one glimmer of astonishment was the sight of New Jersey’s St. Bluster of Blowhard—aka the governor Chris Christie—touring the horrific damage in his state with his new BFF President Obama.

Christie has gone out of his way to praise Obama, which for him is about on par with Karl Lagerfeld apologizing for calling Adele fat.

We all know that Christie is looking toward 2016. We also know that he is a smart guy who realizes that Moneybags Mitt would have told him to call the local Ladies Tea Society for a hankie to wipe on the flood, and that he was on his own. States rights, remember?

At least Mayor Bloomberg has seen the light too, officially endorsing Obama which must be a direct slap to his billionaire business cronies.

Now if only the power would go back on….

THE CRABS OF THE JERSEY SHORE

Sorry – I meant the one ginormous crab of the Jersey Shore. Namely New Jersey governor Chris  Christie. He was having a nice hot day with his peeps, waiting for his ice cream cone to be delivered into his outstretched mitt, when someone walking by recognizing the not-so-invisible hulk and made some remarks about about his displeasure with Christie’s education policy.

Well, the governor, true to form – or rather true to temperament – got as steamy as the weather., and yelled, “You’re a real big shot … you’re a real big shot shootin’ your mouth off.”

To which passerby replied, “Nah, just take care of the teachers!”

What did the governor do next? Apologize for his snide comments? Ask the guy to come talk to him? Ask if he was a teacher? Surely not. That would have been civil. Adult. Elected-official-like, even.

No, Christie just got even more peeved. He had the gall to go after the guy and pull a Soprano, saying, “Keep walkin’ away … really good … keep walkin’.”

How pathetic. This man is the governor of a highly populated, highly visible state, and he can’t act like a grownup. What’s he going to do in a crisis more aggravating than a melting ice cream cone?

Never get between a hungry man and his ice cream cone

Guess he really really doesn’t wanna be Veep.

But why does he want to govern the people when he can’t even govern his own stupid big mouth?

 

NEWT AND NIX

If you are a Lurcher, you remember Richard Nixon. The sweaty, swarthy, “I am not a crook” (even though, of course, he turned out to be a homophobic, racist, anti-Semitic nut-job who sanctioned plenty of criminal activity along with his Henchman-in-Chief Mr. Kissinger) Richard Nixon. I will never forget the Watergate hearings and watching the news the day he resigned.

Leave it to the very clever Pulitzer-prize-winning author and editor Jon Meacham to mix’n’match that bloated gasbag Uncle Newtie with Tricky Dicky – check out his piece at www.ideas.time.com/2012/01/23/why-newt-is-like-nixon.

Even Newt’s own popular partygoers are worried. “He was run out of the speakership by his own party, NJ governor Chris Christie told Meet the Press this past Sunday.  He was fined $300,000 for ethics violations. This is a guy who has had a very difficult political career at times and has been an embarrassment to the party … I don’t need to regale the country with that entire list again except to say this: I’m not saying he will do it again in the future, but sometimes past is prologue.”

And sometimes past is present.

Pointing fingers, as usual