THOU SHALT NOT LIE

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Isn’t it amazing how many Bible-thumpers don’t follow the words of the Good Book? I think the absolute dumbest of them have moved to Texas, where the brain-dead racist science-denying Board of Education approved new textbooks that are full of flat-out lies and spin.

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So if you are a child in Texas, you are going to learn that Moses influenced the writers of the Constitution, which according to them was based on Biblical precepts.

I would like one of the board members to explain to these schoolchildren just what the “separation of church and state” is, but I fear their heads might explode if asked to actually think. Or read.

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For more, if you can stand it, go to http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/texas-approves-textbooks-moses-honorary-founding-father.

EBOLA OF THE BRAIN

Now that Ebola is in Texas, it’s time to look at a different kind of virus. You know, the kind that replicates in the brains of certain Republicans, pushing aside all the sentient, thinking nerve cells and replacing them with offense-spewing mush.

Case in point: Newly inaugurated Texas State Senator Charles Perry. Right after the horrible moment when this moron was sworn in, he had this to say:  “There were 10,000 people that were paraded into a medical office under the guise of a physical. As they stood with their back against the wall, they were executed with a bullet through the throat. Before they left, 10,000 people met their fate that way,” he blathered, making reference the murder of innocent Jews during the Holocaust. “Is it not the same than when our government continues to perpetuate laws that lead citizens away from God? The only difference is that the fraud of the Germans was more immediate and whereas the fraud of today’s government will not be exposed until the final days and will have eternal-lasting effects.”

In Charles’ addled state, he forgot the Golden Rule of politics. Never bring up the Holocaust in comparison to any of your own lame ideas.

And the Golden Rule of our Constitution aka the separation of church and state.

“Where is that giant of a nation that was founded on the eternal and never-changing values of a loving God and the desire to share that?” he went on. “I don’t recognize it on so many levels today.”

Maybe because you’re looking for it in Tricky Ricky’s office, pal.

Wrong place to look.

 

THE HOMOPHOBIA TRIFECTA

Too bad there was no Triple Crown winner this year, but I have my own Triple Crown: The Homophobia Trifecta!

Lining up at the starting gate: Rick Perry, John MacArthur, and the dark horse, Scott Esk, a Tea Party Republican from Oklahoma, running for the state’s House of Representatives.

On his Facebook feed last year, he posted that it’s open season on homosexuals. “I think we would be totally in the right to do it,” said he. “That goes against some parts of libertarianism, I realize, and I’m largely libertarian, but ignoring as a nation things that are worthy of death is very remiss.”

When pressed by a journalist to clarify his comments, Scott couldn’t help himself from saying, “That was done in the Old Testament under a law that came directly from God and in that time there it was totally just. It came directly from God. I have no plans to reinstitute that in Oklahoma law. I do have some very huge moral misgivings about those kinds of sins.”

At the same time, Esk believes that abortionists should be punished severely because they committed, you know, murder.

So in Eskotopia, it’s okay to murder gay people, but not have abortions or do abortions.

He also thinks that the EPA, FDA, and OSHA are un-Constitutional, but he looks “forward to applying Biblical principles to Oklahoma law.”

I’d point out that the separation between church and state is sorta, rather, well, Constitutional, but why bother. Horses are smarter than this guy.

And they’re off!

PLEAD THE SECOND

Maya Angelou’s death has inspired an outpouring of love and grief for her lifetime of accomplishments and desire to do good.

The horrifying massacre of 6 innocent students in Santa Barbara has also elicited an outpouring of love and grief for those lives cut short by a gun-toting madman.

Unless, of course, you are Joe the Plumber.

This man is so selfish, so delusional, and so hard-hearted that he couldn’t even wait for the bodies to be buried before he talked the importance of his rights to keep his arsenal.

Joe is entitled to his ill-informed opinions, of course (I sincerely doubt he has ever read the Constitutional amendments, especially the second one he seemingly loves so well).

But he is not entitled to escape censure for his deliberate cruelty to the bereaved.

BABY’S GOT BULLIES

Having gone through over a week of hell with a really bad virus or flu that the flu shot didn’t cover or some heinous something, I am still tired and cranky. Luckily for me, my trusty source of hilarity to deal with the crankies—aka Michele Bachmann—did not disappoint.

While doing an interview with radio host Lars Larson during CPAC (yeah, I know I’m a little behind), Minnesota’s favorite loon was lamenting how Arizona governor Jan Brewer let down the faithful when she vetoed the hate-the-gays bill.

“There’s nothing about gays in there. But the gay community decided to make this their measure,” Bachmann said. “I think the thing that is getting a little tiresome, the gay community, they have so bullied the American people, and they’ve so intimidated politicians. The politicians fear them, so that they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere.”

Got that? Maybe she should tell that to Matthew Shepherd’s parents.

“I was sorry that she made the decision, and it’s because I believe that tolerance is a two-way street and we need to respect everyone’s rights, including the rights of people who have sincerely held religious beliefs,” this pathological liar went on. “Right now, there’s a terrible intolerance afoot in the United States, and it’s against people who hold sincerely held religious beliefs.”

Um, whose rights are you respecting here, sweetie-pie? The rights of the oppressed or the rights of the Christian majority to undermine the Consitution?

Please, don’t answer.

That would involve critical thinking skills.

 

SAILING THE 7 C’S OF LIFE

Life is too short to endure the natterings of imbeciles, which is why I didn’t tune in to see the televised debate between the voice of reason aka Bill Nye the Science Guy and Ken Ham, the creationist convinced the world is merely 6,000 years old, and that T. Rex played Ring-around-the-Rosie with the cavemen who wrote the Bible.

Yeah, that T. Rex.

Anyway, Ken spouted forth with his “7 C’s” of life: Creation, Corruption, Catastrophe, Confusion, Christ, Cross, Consummation.

Look, Ken is entitled to his beliefs. But he and his fellow Creationists have zero right to try to impose their religion in schools. That’s the issue.

Plus, I might have had a little respect for the guy had consummation been the between-the-sheets kinda thing, but no. His idea of consummation is heaven.

So I have a Luchers’ “7 C’s” list of my own. This is what I think of Ken Ham and his followers, who want to upend the Constitution and shove their religious philosophy down the throats of school kids everywhere, no matter what their family’s personal faith happens to be: Corrupt, Condescending, Contemptible, Catastrophic, Confused, Cuckoo, and Consummation, which is what anyone would want to do just to clear their heads from this nonsense.


This handy cheat sheet will give you all the highlights: Bill Nye, Ken Ham Creation and Evolution Debate | TIME.com http://swampland.time.com/2014/02/05/bill-nye-ken-ham-debate/#ixzz2sTeIrkV6

BOYCOTT DUCK DYNASTY

Phil Robertson sure has a fat yap. I wonder if he’s sorry that he sat down with GQ’s Drew Magary and let rip, but I doubt it. Phil is an unrepentant homophobe and a shockingly overt racist. Either he wanted to create controversy, or he’s so isolated by the success of Duck Dynasty that he thinks he walks on water. Maybe he doesn’t care.

Or maybe he’s just a stupid jerk.

His gay-baiting was one thing; comparing homosexuality with bestiality is pretty rich, coming from a guy who makes duck calls for a living.

“Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine,” he stated. “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

Yeah, like he would know.

Worse, his racism was about as foul as it gets: “I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once,” said the 67-year-old. “Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field. They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ – not a word! … Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

Is he for cotton-pickin’ real?

This is what Morris Dees, head of the Southern Poverty Law Center, said in response: “I don’t know anything about Robertson’s experiences. But I grew up on a small cotton farm in Alabama and also worked in the fields alongside African Americans. It shouldn’t even be necessary to say that they were treated as second-class citizens, most of them mired in abject poverty and with very little opportunity for anything more. There was no such thing as equality in any sense of the word.

“And of course black folks didn’t go around saying anything about ‘these doggone white people.’ The threat of racist violence was ever present, and there was virtually no chance any white person who harmed a black person would face anything close to justice. I wonder what Robertson would say about the four little black girls who were killed in the Klan bombing of Birmingham’s Sixteenth Street Baptist Church – or the many, many others who were lynched over the decades? What would he say about Emmett Till, the 14-year-old who was murdered for supposedly flirting with a white woman in Mississippi? Were they happy about their situation, too?”

A + E promptly suspended Phil. They’ve reaped their millions from their surprise hit, but stand to lose many millions more if sponsors pulled out.

Right on cue, foaming airheads like Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal have gone ballistic, claiming that Phil’s free speech was at risk! His Constitutional rights were being trampled! He was being screwed over by “Intolerants!” (Note the extreme idiocy of an intolerant bigot like the Wasilla Wonder accusing people of shaming an intolerant bigot like Phil!)

Furthermore, Phil hasn’t been permanently canned. He’d already shot nearly the entire next season, so it’s no harm to him to miss an episode.

Was has been harmed is the understanding of what free speech and the First Amendment is truly about. This is what the Constitution states: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Um, not a word about a scripted, hammy, brain-cell-chomping television show!

Phil has not lost any rights. The government has not stepped in to squash his duck calls. A + E is a private company and they can do whatever they want to the people they pay to appear on their TV shows. Doubtless Phil has a clause in his contract to this exact effect.

Obviously, he’s too homophobic and racist to care. Anyone capable of saying what he did to a journalist not only believes it wholeheartedly, he has no shame about sharing it.

And get this—he’s not even a real redneck. His boys used to be card-carrying yuppies: Watch:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KW343K1-upo&feature=share

What a lying faker.

Please, do humanity a favor and rid the airwaves of these Bible-thumping hypocrites.

Duck, duck, goose!

 

PROHIBITION RIP

On December 5, 1933, the 18th Amendment to the Constitution – aka Prohibition – was repealed. Fourteen years of speakeasies, moonshine, organized crime, bootleggers, nightclubs, and just as many drunks as they’d been before (if not more) proved that the nanny state could extend only so far. Grownups want their guilty pleasures, and grownups are gonna get ‘em when the getting is good (or bad).

It’s been estimated that over 10,000 adults died from drinking hootch and rotgut liquor because they couldn’t get the real thing during that period.

What I think is interesting is how fascist dictator Republicans are now trying to shove establish their social agenda, assuming that all Americans want to embrace their racism and misogyny and  homophobia conservative values. Perhaps they ought to crack open the history books, and see how FDR got elected in part because he promised to repeal Prohibition. He didn’t do it just because it was wildly unpopular and unenforceable. He did it because our country was in desperate need of the tax revenue liquor would bring to government coffers.

In the meantime, I’ll be toasting those stalwart women and men behind the Temperance movement today, the 80th anniversary of the end of bootleggers. They fought what was to them the good fight.

And they were soundly defeated.

 

 

SCIENTIFIC METHOD

Maybe there’s hope for Texas after all. Their State Board of Education finally voted to approve a Houghton Mifflin environmental science textbook after the blowhards of the oil/gas business tried to undermine the book’s credibility. Based, of course, on their denial of climate change.

That disagreement was not as severe as the one Creationists have been trying to pull. They don’t want evolution to be taught in public schools, and not in their state. Never mind that the Constitution that they claim to believe in is about as blunt about the separation of church/state as it’s possible to be. I honestly don’t know why it’s so difficult for these Creationists to admit that the Bible is what it is. It is the source of their faith. It is certainly not a valid expression of scientific truths. And it doesn’t belong in the classroom.

“This textbook business is, to my way of thinking, a very serious matter, because of the economic impact,” Bill Nye the Science Guy told HuffingtonPost. “Everyone should take a moment and think what it will mean to raise a generation of students who might believe that it is reasonable to think for a moment that the Earth might be 10,000 years old.

“It’s an outrageous notion,” he went on. “It’s not a benign idea. It’s inane or silly. These students will not accept the process of science, which will stifle or suppress innovation.”

Unless the innovation they’re seeking is what color to paint the dinosaur they’re plonking next to a human in one of their Creationist Museum dioramas.

TREY NAUGHTY

Yesterday I wrote about the joys of civic kindness in San Francisco. Today it’s back to the joys of drug abuse and hypocrisy—the joys of enforcing drug laws and following your own philosophy in life.

Yes, today’s topic is Florida Republican Congressman Trey Radel.

Thirty-seven-year-old Radel tried to broaden his appeal to a younger demographic by referring to himself as a “hip hop conservative.”  He just broadened his appeal to junkies everywhere when he got arrested for cocaine possession in tony Dupont Circle in Washington D.C. He spent $260 of his salary—funded by us, the taxpayers of the United States—on 3.5 grams of the powder. Turns out this was a deliberate sting, as one of the dealers had snitched on him in exchange for a plea bargain. I’m sure DEA agents were foaming at the mouth to find out which elected official was looking to play in the snow.

I do want to point out that normally I wouldn’t devote a blog to a drug-abusing person in a position of power—there are countless numbers of them, and they need help and support. But Trey is a Tea Party darling who not only spouted off on family values and upholding the Constitution (which, remarkably, does not mention cocaine). He also co-sponsored legislation to change mandatory minimum drug sentencing laws, and voted for a bill in favor of food stamp recipients being subject to mandatory drug-tested before receiving their benefits.

This is about as grossly hypocritical as it gets, and Radel deserves all the shame he has received. Should Reps and Senators be drug or alcohol-tested now before receiving their salaries?

Radel has publicly apologized and said he’s taking a leave of absence and donating his salary while he goes to rehab. The guilty plea meant he won’t get slammed with a maximum sentence of 180 days in jail, a $1,000 fine, or both. Instead, he got a paltry year of probation. If he’s a good boy, his guilty plea will be expunged.

“I have no excuse for what I have done. I have let down our country,” he admitted at a news conference. Earlier, he had blamed his woes on growing up with an alcoholic mother. “I struggle with the disease of alcoholism, and this led to an extremely irresponsible choice,” he said. “As the father of a young son and a husband to a loving wife, I need to get help so I can be a better man for both of them.

“However, this unfortunate event does have a positive side. It offers me an opportunity to seek treatment and counseling. I know I have a problem and will do whatever is necessary to overcome it, hopefully setting an example for others struggling with this disease.”

If you really want to set an example, Trey, you can man up and resign.

Or at the very least, reverse your stance on drug testing.