DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT

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Alas, it is long overdue and a major miracle time to say goodbye: Michele Bachman is leaving Congress.

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Cue the Hallelujah Chorus!

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She didn’t leave me disappointed, however, as her farewell pile of gibberish speech has already become a classic of utter idiocy and bone-headed wrongness.

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“And here in the United States, the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses is the very foundation of the law that has given happiness and the rise of the greatest prosperity that any nation has known before,” she said.

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“I also want to say thank you to the God who saved me. I am so grateful to the Holy God who created us, the creator God, the God that Jefferson pointed to in the Declaration of Independence. It is because of him, because he created me in his image and likeness as he has each one of us, that I even had the possibility coming here to be able to serve.”

Then she read out the second paragraph of the Declaration of Independence. Not that she has a clue what it really means, because she then said, “What that means to me is this: no government gave me rights, that only God can give. And no government can take away the rights that only God can give. The only reason that we have a government and the only reason it was instituted among men is to secure for me and to you, the rights that God gave us. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Beyond that, we rule by the consent of the governed. This is a pretty simple gig to figure out here.”

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Not if you’re Michele!

And then she left with this whopper: “My Favorite Americans are those who didn’t know they were Americans: they were the Pilgrims. They came here even before our nation was founded.”

bachmann-frackingland Yeah, and killed most of the natives who were here already!

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Have a nice life at home with hubby, dear Michele. Make sure you check his Snapchat once in a while to check up on all the hot boys he’s following.

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Just sayin’.

 

 

THE 5000 YEAR LIE

While on the topic of the brain-challenged, here’s a doozy. Seems that the Heritage Academy, a charter school in Arizona, has been using a book called The 5000 Year Leap as part of its history curriculum.

The only problem with this is that the book is nothing more than lies, leaps of faith, deliberate misinterpretation of historical facts, and flat-out baloney. It’s pure-bred revisionist history, seen through a filter of a Mormon mindset filled with holes so large you could drive a bus through them.  Written (or rather, invented) by Cleon Skousen and heartily endorsed by Glenn Beck, it’s about as historically accurate as The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

Not only is this book a crock of crap, it’s the kind of crap that stupid people believe—it’s in the top 100 at Amazon!!!–which makes it a scary crock of crap. Not just because its “facts” about our Founding Fathers and their intentions are so off-base, but because it’s deeply racist.

In Cleon’s world, Southern slaves were oh-so-happy before the Civil War. They had so much freedom! Their white owners were the “worst victims”! And if the little children of the slaves had no clothes, it wasn’t cause for concern, because in Cleon’s world, running around naked and shoeless in the blazing hot sun and rain and elements “was generally from choice, and when the white boys had to put on shoes and go away to school they were likely to envy the freedom of their colored playmates.”

Glenn Beck agrees. “That book is absolutely right,” he said recently. “It is the clearest, simplest, most direct way to teach what happened and why we were founded the way we were… Teach it to your children. Read it to them at night. Bring it to the dinner table. It will be the only chance they have to actually learn American history.”

I think he meant to say their only chance to be lied to and brainwashed by a racist revisionist, but somehow, the words got all twisted.

 

CRUZIN’ FOR A BRUISIN’

Like father, like son.

Take a look at these video: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/10/ted-cruz-rafael-father-video-christian-tea-party.

In them, Rafael Cruz, who spawned Ted to ostensibly rule the world, spouts off on matters which, it must be said, prove nothing more than his grotesque avoidance of the truth.

His misreading of what our Founding Fathers truly believed in is so off-base as to sink a battleship.

His claims about Obama’s birth are regurgitated racist nonsense.

Rafael’s done pretty well for himself after being an immigrant from Cuba to Canada and then the USA.

Too bad his heart is as small as his brain.

He doesn’t want anyone else let into this country to have the same kind of opportunities.

Hasta la vista, pal.

 

Don’t let the door slam on your sorry buttinski on the way out.