The Unicorn Lives

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Coffee used to cost fifty cents and come in blue-and-white cups from the corner deli. It tasted like crap but it got you moving.

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Now coffee costs ten times as much and comes in whatever color cups Starbucks has made to annoy so-called Christians who are fighting the (non)war on Xmas all year long.

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Enter the unicorn.

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No, not that one. This one. I guess Starbucks is looking to up the profits this quarter, as they introduced the most vile drink ever concocted–and are selling it only (and mercifully) for a very limited time. Smart marketing, for sure. The Unicorn Frappuccino has gone viral. The pink and blue sludge that changes from sweet to sour is a must-buy.

Until you taste it.

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My son got one on the way home from school yesterday. He asked me to taste it. I refused. He begged. I caved. I sipped. I gagged. Honestly, there are no words to describe the chemical awfulness of this liquid.

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I’d rather drink swamp water after all of Trump’s sycophantic suck-ups in the White House have waded through it. You have been warned.