The Unicorn Lives

images-1.jpeg

Coffee used to cost fifty cents and come in blue-and-white cups from the corner deli. It tasted like crap but it got you moving.

images-2.jpeg

Now coffee costs ten times as much and comes in whatever color cups Starbucks has made to annoy so-called Christians who are fighting the (non)war on Xmas all year long.

images-3.jpeg

Enter the unicorn.

UnicornFrappInstagram-1492639437.jpg

No, not that one. This one. I guess Starbucks is looking to up the profits this quarter, as they introduced the most vile drink ever concocted–and are selling it only (and mercifully) for a very limited time. Smart marketing, for sure. The Unicorn Frappuccino has gone viral. The pink and blue sludge that changes from sweet to sour is a must-buy.

Until you taste it.

images-4.jpeg

My son got one on the way home from school yesterday. He asked me to taste it. I refused. He begged. I caved. I sipped. I gagged. Honestly, there are no words to describe the chemical awfulness of this liquid.

Starbucks-Unicorn-Frappuccino-more-sugar-than-20-hostess-donettes.jpg

I’d rather drink swamp water after all of Trump’s sycophantic suck-ups in the White House have waded through it. You have been warned.

HIRE THE POPE, PART I

pope-francis_2541160b

How cool is the Pope? Totally cool.

1D274907220875-today-pope-patti-smith-141114.blocks_desktop_large

Not only does he like Patti Smith, but when on a plane a week or so ago, returning from a trip to Turkey, Pope Francis called out the kind of Christian extremists fundamentalists who are the first to savage Muslims and claim they’re all terrorists while moaning about the alleged war on Christmas and how their rights are being impinged.

“You just can’t say that,” he stated, “just as you can’t say that all Christians are fundamentalists. We have our share of them [fundamentalists]. All religions have these little groups.”

PopeQuote-540

Except the Christian fundamentalists in this Tea Party, Fox News, Congress, Supreme Court, online trolls country aren’t a little group.

christianextremists

Even if they are little in compassion.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Y’ALL

While taking a desperately needed break from the piles on my desk, I turned to one of my favorite guilty pleasures—reading gossip online (oh, come on, you know you do it)—and was glad I was sitting down when I read an item alleging that a certain sanctimonious missy has been blowing her nose a lot of her recent book signings.

If this allegation is true, and Sarah Palin really is a cokehead, then, OMG, some paparazzi will become an instant millionaire if he can catch her in the act.

And the world will be a much better place if she gets arrested for drug possession and is forced to take a permanent vacation from the Crazy Land she currently inhabits.

Well, one can dream, right?

The reason I am bringing up silly gossip and innuendo is that the Wasilla Wonder is currently on the rampage, trying to get the 5 people left in this country who think she has something to say fighting against the “War on Christmas.”

Oh, did I mention she’s selling a book about it at the same time?

When she gave a talk at Liberty University, she went on and on about “angry atheists.” What made me fall on the floor laughing was her ludicrous distortion of the clear-as-ice political philosophy of Thomas Jefferson. Sarah claimed that he would “recognize those who would want to try to ignore that Jesus is the reason for the season, those who would want to try to abort Christ from Christmas.”

Got that? The architect of the SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE would be peeved that the little babes in the mangers aren’t appearing on the village green this holiday season, and that it’s a capital crime in Crazy Land to say the inclusive “Happy Holidays” rather than the religion-drenched “Merry Christmas.”

Thank you, Sarah dear, for that instructive lesson.

Now please go blow your nose.